We Would Be Honored By Your Presence
by JediMindTrick
Summary: Lunch on Cloud City with Vader, Han, Leia, Lando, and Boba!


You could cut the tension in the air with a knife. The frozen nerf steaks were a bit chewy too. The silence was unbearable.

"How 'bout them Tuskens, eh?" Han Solo said with a feeble smile.

"When I said we would be honored by your presence, that was merely a figure of speech, Solo." Darth Vader gave Solo an evil stare, but Solo was too busy stuffing his mouth to notice.

"Lord Vader, I trust the banquet we provided is up to your standards," Lando Calrissian said, buttkisser that he was.

"We have only eaten two courses so far, prey we don't order anymore." The whole room stared back at Vader, not knowing what the heck that meant.

Leia shook her head, until she could no longer keep her mouth shut. "Vader, I truly do not know how you do it."

Vader leaned closer to Leia, trying to put some fear into her, "What do you mean?"

"How you scare everybody. I mean, everyone thinks your some holy terror, but I know better. My father told me how Obi-Wan kicked your –"

"Ahem!" Han pointed to Boba Fett, "Say, did you know that guy behind you once killed his superior officer when he was a stormtrooper?"

Vader turned back to Fett.

"Not true." Boba looked at Vader, "I swear."

"Hey, that's not Boba Fett!" Han exclaimed, getting very excited about his discovery. "He doesn't sound like Fett at all! The Fett I knew had this dark, sinister voice, and this guy sounds like some crazy Australian!"

Leia looked confused, "Australia? What system is that in?"

"I forget." Han calmed down. "I think it's way south of the Rishi Maze though."

"Enough!" Vader screamed. "The way you perceive someone depends greatly on your point of view."

"You know, I think you're right about that," Han replied. "Like when I was running around the Death Star blowing away your stormtroopers, I turned this corner, and there was only like three stormtroopers waiting for me. Then I did a double take, and there was like twenty of them! Crazy, huh?" Everyone now stared at Solo. "You had to be there."

Leia had been quiet for quite a while. She was in deep thought actually. She stared intently at the plate of food sitting in front of Vader. "Okay, I gotta ask, how do you eat?"

Vader looked down at his food, and back at Leia, "Are you mocking me, woman?"

Leia started to laugh, "No, seriously! I want to know!"

"Since you will all be dead soon, I have no problem telling you!" Vader pushed a sequence of buttons on his chest plate. Seconds later, FG-123, a food grinding droid entered the room, and shredded Vader's food into a big pile of mush. A mechanical straw then came out of Vader's mask, and he slurped up the entire plate.

Lando busted out laughing, "Bwahaha! Oh, that's too good! Oh man, my side is hurting!" Using the Force, Vader put Lando in a vice grip, but this time, it wasn't his throat getting squeezed. "Yeeow!" Lando fell to the ground.

Amazed, Han looked down at Lando, "Well, I'll be frozen in carbonite!"

"Hmm…" Vader said. He then picked up one of the little guys that worked at Cloud City and whispered something to him. The little guy ran out of the room like he was on a mission.

"What was that all about?" Leia asked.

"Never you mind! Captain Solo, when your ship landed here, I noticed it was the same one that was flying behind me right before the Death Star was destroyed."

"Yeeeeah, sorry about that. See, what had happened was, I was about to go back to Jabba cuz I owed him some money, when I realized I had given Luke my favorite hydrospanner. You know how it is, trying to make repairs on your ship without your favorite tool. Then I accidentally hit the trigger, and you know, the rest is history."

"Indeed." Vader stood up. "Now Solo, if you are finished with your meal, I would be honored by your presence in a little room we call the Torture Chamber."

"Hey!" Han picked up his fork and tried to stab Vader with it. Vader, of course, used the Force to grab the fork right out of his hand.

"Just to ask you a few questions, of course."


End file.
